


DH in Five Hundred Words

by DHW



Series: GrangerSnape100 [8]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Community: grangersnape100, Crack, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-22
Updated: 2016-06-22
Packaged: 2018-07-16 15:02:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7272862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DHW/pseuds/DHW
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shameless Crack!Fic. In fact, may possibly be the crackiest of Crack!Fics. </p><p>What should have happened in Deathly Hallows. (Written Pre-DH release)</p>
            </blockquote>





	DH in Five Hundred Words

**Author's Note:**

> **Challenge:** Condemned
> 
>  **Disclaimer:** Not mine. I’m just having fun.

And so it was, our erstwhile heroes – the fearsome, yet oddly handsome, Professor Severus Snape and his beautiful, know-it-all student, Hermione Granger – found themselves, once again, in the heat of battle.   
  
Mud, blood, and other such foul substances (that shall remain nameless here so as not to offend any of our more sensitive readers) covered the ground, making it slippery under foot, and thus, difficult to walk on. But they marched on regardless with a determination seen only in wrongly-imprisoned convicts and pig farmers, hexing whatever poor soul came between them and their destination.   
  
“Forward on to destiny!” they shouted.   
  
\--  
  
Even in the cold light of day, their mandatory objective was as clear as clean glass, and, incidentally, almost as transparent. To find the hated Lord Voldemort and smite him good, as some of the slightly less literate, baseball-capped Englishmen may say.   
  
Of course, this proved to be entirely less difficult than planned, what with pair having the combined brain power of military supercomputer and the fact that their quarry was drawing rather a lot of attention to himself by shouting anti-muggle sentiments into the melee.   
  
Dodging the vivid streaks of light that denoted something undoubtedly nasty, they pushed forward.   
  
\--  
  
“Ah ha! So the traitor and his fancy-woman return to force me back, deep into the blazing depths of hell! Condemned to a hell where I will burn in a fiery ball of flame! Writhing in agony until I can take no more and scream like a little girl for my mother!” said Lord Voldemort, using entirely too many exclamation marks than were really warranted.  
  
“Quite,” said Hermione, raising her wand in a threatening manner.   
  
“I’m not willing to go just yet! I have not finished my thrilling diatribe! Prepare to die!”  
  
Voldemort cursed Severus. And then cast a hex.  
  
\--  
  
Severus, in his ‘stiff upper-lipped’, quintessentially English way, took the curse with very little fuss, and the hex with even less. He frowned as he realised he no-longer had use of his right arm.  
  
Voldemort was not impressed to say the least.   
  
“You fool! You were supposed to scream in pain and write about on the floor for a bit, purely for dramatic effect! Damn you! I –”  
  
It’s entirely possible that he would have had more to say on the subject, however Hermione stabbed him in the eye with her wand and he keeled over, dead as a doornail.  
  
\--  
  
It was at this point Severus kissed her and she professed her undying love for him – which was rather muffled, what with all the kissing. But he got the message in the end. The world, now it was Voldemort-free, was an entirely better place and their relationship progressed from A to B (A being casual sex, B being marriage) with little impediment.  
  
Married on the fifth of June in a lovely little ceremony, they lived a happy life together until an explosion one day in Potions, where Severus caught amnesia, married the Mediwitch and is currently being sued for bigamy.


End file.
